Be Aware

What emotions can teach us

The Negativity Bias

The negativity bias is our belief that negative emotions are unnecessary and unwanted and that they do not serve any positive purpose in our lives. The negativity bias combats this by stating that all emotions have purpose and becoming aware of what emotions we are feeling can teach us something about our environment and our reactions to certain people and situations.

Negative emotions or experiences can:
  • Increase our tolerance for stress
  • Build resilience and confidence
  • Increase compassion and tolerance for others
Emotions as Road Signs

Emotions can be represented as road signs on the road of life. Those who acknowledge and pay attention to the road signs along the way tend to lead happier lives whereas those who ignore their emotional road signs may end up feeling lost (Tartakovsky, 2018). Emotions exist to provide us with more information about a situation or motivate us to act. A good approach to taking in your emotions is to “acknowledge, accept, and learn from them” (Tartakovsky, 2018).

Another way to acknowledge our emotions is by utilizing the 3 A’s: Awareness, Analysis, and Action (Senator Wanda Bernard Thomas, 2020).

  • Awareness: be aware of the emotion you are feeling.
  • Analysis: where is this emotion coming from or what is causing me to feel this way.
  • Action: after becoming aware of and analyzing the emotion I am feeling, what action should I take? Sometimes, you will find doing nothing is the best course of action to take, saving the feeling for a later time.

Common negative emotions & what they can teach us:

Grief

The loss of a relationship, job, family or friend, can cause us to have feelings of grief. Grief is unescapable in life and all of us will go through periods of loss. Experiencing loss can signal to us the value of what we had. Although grief is a difficult emotion to go through and often the grief period is long, grief represents the power of human connection and our ability to form valuable relationships to the people or work that we engage in. Grief is merely part of what it means to be human.

Anger

Anger is a symptom of other emotions, such as fear and sadness, rather than being one sole emotion. Being able to recognize the underlying emotions that cause anger will help you handle situations in a more authentic and productive way (Tartakovsky, 2018). Positively, anger can be a change agent to a project or issue you are passionate about.

Fear

Fear can be a protective emotion by making us aware of potentially dangerous situations or situations that make us feel uncomfortable. Fear may indicate to us that a situation does not feel “quite right” and signal for us to go to safety. Fear teaches us that we may be unprepared for a situation and thus, provides us with an opportunity to step out of our comfort zone.

Empathy v. Sympathy

Empathy and sympathy are concepts that can be confused with each other. An easy way to understand the difference, is empathy is “I feel bad WITH you” whereas, sympathy is, “I feel bad FOR you” (Brene Brown). In social work we are encouraged to practice from a place of empathy, but what we are not always told is the toll it can take on your emotional well-being.

Brene Brown on Empathy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

When Our Emotions Lead Us Astray

We all have had moments in our lives where our emotions are telling us one thing, while our mind is telling us another. For instance, have you ever had a time when your mind is indicating you need to take some time for self-care, but you feel guilty about all the work you have to accomplish? This situation indicates a disconnect between your mind and your emotions and the judgement we have regarding taking time to be “unproductive”.

Where does this judgement of self-care being “unproductive” come from?

Being unaware of our emotions, causes us to judge most of the feelings we have instead of acknowledging, accepting and learning from them. By acknowledging and accepting you are feeling tired and “burnt out”, your body is trying to signal to you that self-care is needed and you need to bring your body back to homeostasis. As indicated in the How to Manage Stress section,

What’s your stuff v. “theirs”

Part of being an empath is picking up other’s emotions easily, sometimes even those we do not necessarily want to. Therefore, it is important for social workers to develop healthy boundaries to reduce the emotional impact of our type of work.

Backpack Analogy

Imagine you have a backpack and rocks are the negative experiences/emotions of others and feathers are the positive experiences/emotions of others. Along your life you pick up rocks and feathers, but if you pick up too many rocks your bag becomes heavier to carry and leaves little room for anything else. It is important to understand what yours is to pick up and what is yours to leave and what will weigh your backpack down and what will allow for more experiences to come in.

Another backpack analogy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z55JCGwQC8

Protect your emotion & mental “space” (understanding & protecting your boundaries)

We all wish that our personal boundaries were tangible, visible and easy to comprehend to others, but in reality, our boundaries exist more like “invisible bubbles” (Healthline, 2020). This makes spending the time to learn how to communicate our boundaries to others so important. Boundaries are necessary to forming healthy relationships and ensuring we do not stretch ourselves too thin. Creating boundaries for different situations and people ensures that we conserve our mental and emotional energy for ourselves and the people we love and care about.

What are my boundaries?

If you are unsure of what your boundaries are, ask yourself: what questions feel too intrusive/uncomfortable, or what are my values. Your boundaries can either be healthy or underdeveloped and can change depending on the person or situation you are faced with, and your emotional state at the time.

Underdeveloped boundaries:
  • You take responsibility for others’ feelings and problems, easily becoming emotionally overwhelmed
  • Your life is often chaotic and full of drama
  • You can’t say no because of a fear of rejection or abandonment
  • You have little or no balance of power or responsibility in your relationship and tend to either be overly responsible and controlling or passive and dependent
  • You have a high tolerance for being treated abusively and with no respect
  • You compromise your values and beliefs in order to please others or avoid conflict
Healthy boundaries:
  • You have a strong sense of identity and you respect yourself
  • You do not tolerate abuse or disrespect
  • You know yourself well and you communicate your needs, wants and feelings clearly in your relationships
  • You know that you are responsible for your own happiness and you allow others to be responsible for their own happiness
  • You expect shared responsibility and power in your relationships
  • You can say no and you respect others when they say no
  • You know when a problem is yours and when it belongs to someone else
  • You are able to negotiate and compromise, you have empathy for others, you respect diversity and your comfort with yourself makes those around you comfortable
How do I set my boundaries?

Expressing our boundaries to others and then, maintaining our boundaries are two of the most difficult things to do. Especially as social workers, our helping nature makes us want to say ‘yes’ to everyone and to help anyone who is in need. To maintain our boundaries and conserve our emotional energy, we need to learn to say ‘no’ when we sense a situation or person may be crossing our “boundary line”.

Setting your boundaries is about deciding what you will and will not tolerate in your life and communicating this firmly and consistently to others, to avoid them misinterpreting or misunderstanding your boundaries. When setting a boundary to someone, remember:

  • Feelings of selfishness and guilt are normal.
  • Begin with the easiest ones first to slowly increase your confidence in setting boundaries
  • When expressing a boundary to someone, use as few words as possible and be clear and specific – do not justify, apologize for or rationalize the boundary.
  • Remain firm. If you are used to other’s controlling and manipulating you, warn them of the consequences of ignoring your boundaries and often it is wise to walk away to avoid becoming angry or starting a fight.
  • Develop a support system of people who respect your boundaries and consider cutting out people who are toxic.
  • Learning how to set healthy boundaries takes time so don’t be so hard on yourself and know there are supports to help you with the process.

Be sensitive to other people’s boundaries. Ask others about their boundaries and pay attention to a person’s verbal and non-verbal communication to ensure you are not overstepping someone else’s boundary.

Rituals/practices to “wash away the day”

The social work profession can be emotionally draining and can cause us to feel “wiped out” by the end of the day or week. “Washing away the day” by spending time doing something you enjoy or you find relaxing can help you to relax from the stresses of your day. This can look differently for every person and may take time to implement into your routine but it can be very beneficial to your personal self-care.

Some examples:
  • Spending time with friends, a significant other and/or family
  • Taking a shower or bath (literally “washing away the day”)
  • Watching television, reading a book or taking a walk

Sometimes engaging in taking a shower or bath represents literally washing away your stresses and worries from the day and making this a ritual may be beneficial to signaling to your mind that this is figuratively and literally “washing away the day”.